(Investigating Some Part of Lust) As For

As for (him),

I’ve wanted that man since the moment I laid eyes on him. I checked and double checked to make sure that it wasn’t me being caught up in a solitude that I’ve been wrapped in for quite some time and he was just being friendly.

I even checked again.

Nothing changes.

Well, it doesn’t go away.

Just intensifies.

With every conversation, interaction,

Or brief moment alone.

Something innocent like a simple random chat intensifies the want.

Even in anger and frustration, it does not go away.

In absence. With distraction. The heart grows fonder. In quiet.

Without me knowing until one day.

One day. (A while ago.)

While with another man, he was on my mind. Body present, mind distracted. Wanting him.

It does not go away.

There is no removing of the desire. I have tried.

In anger, i tried.

In happiness, i attempted.

In solitude, i convinced myself that

it was just a momentary thing. Admiration from afar, out of boredom & quiet.

Seemingly the only eligible bachelor in the area. Man wanted by many. Why not throw my hat in the ring along with all of the other ladies

who want. Who try.

I’m no different from the others.

Which keeps me away.

Until.

Until, there’s a moment of lingering.

In friendship maybe. But lingering.

With an extra effort needed to part, because honestly, we could hang out for just a little while longer.

There’s something else to say.

Another point to make.

Laugh to have.

Joke to share.

Silence to enjoy.

Someone else wants his attention.

He must go.

Never enough time to see if the feeling is mutual. There is a certain something in the air. Or fleeting, like smoke. Beyond grasping, nothing to clutch.

There must be the reason why the want does not dissipate.

Why it has only intensified.

It all feels foolish.

Like middle schoolers.

It’s no secret that I want.

No qualms.

Only questions.

And waiting.

I’m a lady. I will not chase. 😌

But, he should, in no uncertain terms understand that, until the want is satisfied…