14 Years

14 years.

Only to look up and realize that, Damn! We were just fucking.

It never started off that way. We devolved. Refusing to be adult enough to set the tone at the beginning. We led with false expectations of something deeper than lust.

Only to look up years later and realize that, Damn! We’re just fucking.

It felt good when we were together. Like a relationship. Plans discussed, never to come to fruition. Sporadic exchanges laced with sexual innuendo, never substantive. Those deep conversations will remain elusive. Surface-level parlays present as the comfort of familiarity. We used to be together. We used to be in love.

It’s how we got caught up, only to realize that, Damn! We have been just fucking.

A tryst suggests no longer than three months, maybe. A summer fling. One takes a lover for an extended short period of time. Long enough to run its course or until the way he blows your back out no longer satisfies.

Grown enough to make that distinction at the beginning. It is,what it will be, as we aren’t looking for more than the intention of physical intimacy. Communication and understanding, that’s fair between two folk who are grown.

Yes, let’s do it.

An exercise in failure with ineptitude for relationship making. Partnership. Not to be outperformed in the area of pleasure and intimacy or confused as someone worth more than a really fantastic fuck, the realization that, Damn! we were just fucking, urges an adjustment be made.

Incremental inactions that culminate into nothing. An absence left to grow beyond a three week marker. Indicating the last caress, the last lick, and the last fuck. No contact. Unequal to separation. It extends. The period of silence is a chance for new encounters. It is ok, because, Damn! We were just fucking.

And although there is nothing left but space and opportunity, there is no room for blame once you become aware that two grown people, were just fucking.

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in gratitude, C

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