Intimate Partnership is Important

I have been thinking on it for quite some time.

How in its absence, life still goes on. How, in its absence you push through reluctantly only to just move on. Whether we like it or not, partnership, or the lack thereof, will never be strong enough to convince life to pause for you.

Culture is filled with references to time standing still in the name of love. Partnership. The absence of partnership feels like a task that lasts forever, often way longer than the partnership itself.

Seemingly. Only seemingly.

Life moves so fast. You go to work on Monday, it feels like Wednesday, the weekend shows up and then, just like that once you run your errands, it’s over. The appeal of an online opportunity for exploring partnership options has an appeal. Kinda. I can see the drawn. Ultimately, it’s not for me. I’d rather a first-hand experience at a potential suitors weirdness. I enjoy watching. The gentle observation. Like a creep, taking notice of gestures and movements. Those unconscious moves, the insecure fidgeting that says maybe this man is just as interested as I am. Clues of connectivity. Like a word find, it’s fun. A light challenge that could possibly end with a delicious surprise.

This option requires a level of engagement. That you participate in life in a way that is greater than producing work for salaried benefits. That you find enjoyment and pleasure outside of your daily routine of work, the big box store, TJ’s, and home. Although, it’s quite possible that your person is also in those places the same time that you are, I’ve heard stories but haven’t had the pleasure.

I don’t like crowds. I show up at off hours.

I have always dislike digitally communicating with people. I’ve yet to build a relationship with someone that I’ve met on the social media platforms. My anxiety can’t take it. I refuse to be anxious about whether or not some man is really who he says he is; is not entertaining many other women and telling us all the same exact thing. I am not privy to the context clues that would indicate falsehoods, characteristics that do not complement my own, chemistry, and how he treats random people. What is important to me at first encounter is hidden behind the tiny screen of our mobile devices. Plenty gets either; lost in translation or just purposely left out. That’s an anxiety that’s is unnecessary and cumbersome. I will not engage.

The juice is never worth the squeeze.

So now, I have to go outside. I have to engage. I have to do my hair. Or at least try to. I am perfectly coiffed when I leave out. Somehow, by the end of the day, I am my eight year old self with my hair all over my head. And after all of these years I am still without explanation .

“Why is your hair all over your head?”

Your guess is as good as mine. I sure hope he is ok with messy hair time and time again. It’s all mine if that helps. And he’s welcome to put his hands in it. Run his fingers through it. Grab a handful and tug it.

I have veered from the point. Which is, the best way to intimate partnership is to engage in life. Outside. Outside does not mean the bar or club. Or even the hottest restaurant. I still have a bedtime that I must stick to. Events and activities, that’s something different. You do have to be strategic about events and activities. You may bump into a possible on the way to the candle-making class with you girlfriends, but he’s not there. Not to say that there will be no men, it’s just that more than likely he that shows up has similar tastes as you or the group friend that insists on bringing her man to the Girl’s Night Out.

“Oh this wasn’t a couples event?!”

This isn’t dating advice. I’ve not been in a relationship in 15 years. For various reasons that aren’t important here, I have been single like the number 1. Admittedly, that’s a really long time to be without partnership. Full stop.

“Yeah, but…” is unwelcome and unwarranted in this space. Partnership, if that is what you want, requires truth and honesty. With self and with your other. You prove absolutely nothing to anyone with a display of false hyper independence. Even Monks who sit in silence for hours at a time know the importance of partnership and engaging in a life outside of themselves.

Also, it’s fun to have someone to share life with. Let’s have some fun, because we were not put on Earth to spend our lives alone and inside.